The Waiting Game

Get used to making people wait. Not just strangers outside public bathrooms, but friends waiting in the pub or café or parking lot or Laser Quest or wherever. Those closest to you will know and get it and perhaps bring a book (smartphones make it easier nowadays on those left waiting…). Those who don’t know you as well might wonder, so I use tricks like:

• Have my phone out as I return from the toilet. I was a while because I took a call, silly!
• “I got lost. Big pub, this.” It rarely is.
• Brazenly fess up. “It’s alright for you,” say I. “You haven’t got a wonky bladder.”
• If I can’t bring myself to mention the word ‘bladder’ in public, I pretend it’s a different, more socially acceptable organ. “Sorry. Kidney problems.” (Well it’s sort of true. If I didn’t go to the toilet properly, I would have kidney problems. Then again you could argue I might pass out and bang my head against the wall, in which case you could throw in head problems too.)

The main thing is, don’t be tempted to rush. Like I said above, empty fully and regularly.

The opinions expressed here are of a personal and anecdotal nature, and are in no way a substitute for professional medical advice. You should always consult your doctor or nurse if you have any questions.